Thursday Thirteen

11/16/2006 @ 12:07 AM | General with 6 Comments | Print This Post
Thirteen Things To Say/Do to Bible Thumpers to Get Rid of Them

1. Answer the door with a drink and slur your words of “Come on in so we can have a chat”.
2. Post a sign on your door stating no bible thumpers before noon or on Sundays during football season.
3. Tell them your an atheist.
4. Tell them your sorry but you were right in the middle of a sacrifice ritual and you’ll have to get back to them.
5. Tell them you were in the middle of a sacrifice ritual but invite them to join in the festivities.
6. Tell them you’d rather burn in hell than listen to them try to convert you.
7. Ask them how much they are willing to pay you to convert.
8. Ask them that if homosexuality is an abomination would a threesome be okay because technically there would be an extra person there to intermediate?
9. Ask them that if we are not to work on the sabbath why are they pedaling their spiel when in fact it is a Sunday and they are working at trying to convert me.
10. Answer the door butt nekkid and say I was just committing a few of your sins do you want to watch?
11. Ask them to settle something for you, which is the lesser abomination, eating shellfish or homosexuality?
12. To approach the altar of God you must have no defect in sight, now since I wear contacts/glasses and do not have 20/20 vision will there be some sort of retribution?
13. Ask them what the penalty is if you do not “love thy neighbor” because they really aren’t people you want to associate with.

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Comments

  1. 1
    Mr. Fabulous // November 16th, 2006 at 7:13 AM

    I like to start taking my clothes off and ask them if they would mind checking me for ticks…

  2. 2
    Peety // November 16th, 2006 at 8:42 AM

    :mrgreen: 😈

  3. 3
    jillbeth // November 16th, 2006 at 9:42 AM

    Great list, but most of those would only encourage the fundmentalists!:lol:

  4. 4
    Drib // November 16th, 2006 at 11:59 AM

    HA! I for one, might have to try some of those!

  5. 5
    she // November 16th, 2006 at 10:10 PM

    #3 tends to make them more insistent around here 👿

  6. 6
    smg // November 19th, 2006 at 5:19 AM

    nice info…